"To handle yourself, use your head;
to handle others, use your heart."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Dealing with myself is about my thinking. It's in my head. Dealing with others lovingly is about compassion. It's about the heart.
We have all sorts of prejudices. Some might say that they have no prejudices, or that they aren't prejudice, but that wouldn't be accurate. We cannot help but prejudge. Until, of course, we feel what that instance is and then we come to an understanding of it by dealing with it in our head, and if the prejudice is about another, perhaps we will be at a place where we can offer compassion, put them in our heart, uplift them where they are, and just love them without prejudice.
Someone on facebook made a note about how they really liked and cared for a person and then they spoke out in a way that caused this person to feel strong enough disappointment to write it out and that they could no longer respect this person because their remarks were so inappropriate. I don't write comments very often, but I said, "Or, you could just love them the way they are. . ." He responded that what I said was not mutually exclusive and that he could love someone despite their flaws even though he has lost all respect for them.
I thought that very short conversation was interesting. I can love them even though I can no longer respect them? I can love them with all their flaws? I can love them even though they piss me off all the time? I can love them even though I hate the things they say? I can love them even though I don't like them at all? I can love them even though they scare the hell out of me? I can love them even though they _____? Do you think? Hmmmm.
There is a line I crossed some years back. It is an imaginary line like the International Date Line, but it was different on the other side of the line. It was accepting the idea of love and in particular unconditional love. Most love we hear of like on popular music lyrics and movies is all conditional. If you do this, I will love you. If you don't I will be sad. It's all about being unconsciously controlled by what they other person does, says, becomes. How we feel is conditional to that, and because it is such a popular way to think, the other feels the same only opposite. That is the love I grew up with. When I was a good boy, life was good, when I was a bad boy, life was hell.
All that transferred to everything in my life. My job, money, relationships, all were affected by this idea that what the other does, says, or becomes. If the boss was pissed off, it was a bad day. If I came home complaining about my boss, my wife had a bad day. But I loved her. But I loved my boss. But I. . .
Wayne Dyer is a natural leader, uplifter, teacher. He has been this all of his life. I am continually inspired by his learning to himself, and his teaching of compassion and unconditional love. I have often used his definition of unconditional love: "Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you." Ability is easy. Willingness is sometimes a challenge, and both are there. We allow them to choose for themselves, and the key phrase, "without any insistence that they satisfy us."
This is, of course, exactly what I meant when I wrote, "just love him. . ." And what came back was the love that we see all the time in the world: I love you, but. . . I would love you more if. . . I can't love you because. . . I don't love you because. . . I want to love you, but. . . It is all about satisfying me. All of it.
Can You Let Go? Can You Allow? Can You Accept? Can You Love Regardless Of Condition?
Spread Some Joy Today--Let go.
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