"People change
and forget to tell each other."
-- Lillian Hellman
An interesting quote, don't you think? Another way I might say it is "we grew apart." Relationships, whether a marriage, a work relationship, or any other kind of interaction with another human being can be helpful or hurtful depending on our most current point of view, or point of attraction.
Yesterday's topic was so big, that I felt the need to expand more. Last night I was listening to some "standards" music and the masterful Tony Bennett. One song was, It Had To Be You, written in 1924 by Isham Jones and Gus Kahn. It was in several movies, the most popular was probably Casablanca. Here are just some of the lyrics: "I wandered around, and finally found, the somebody who could make me be true, and could make me be blue, and even be glad, just to be sad, thinking of you. Some others I've seen, might never be mean, might never be cross, or try to be boss, but they wouldn't do. For nobody else, gave me a thrill, with all your faults, I love you still. It had to be you, wonderful you, it had to be you."
If you listen to popular music, whether it is older music, or new music, whether country, pop, or hip-hop, you will hear the way a lot of people deal with each other in relationships. "And even to be glad, just to be sad, thinking of you," is a perfect example along with, "with all your faults, I love you still." That last one is classic. Wouldn't you just love your significant other to say to you that regardless of all your faults, I still love you? Please. . . go deal with your own faults, right? Leave my faults alone. And, what do you mean about faults? What's wrong with me? Well, you might imagine how this night is going. . . Of course, this is sort of lightweight. I've been through far greater drama than this.
Remember how you were so in love and could find no fault, then you moved in together and then saw what a slob he was? Or he farted in bed, or she nitpicked about something just a little too much? What happened? Life happened. How does it go from that to this? Thinking. Nothing physically changed other than location, but now you're not blinded by your good feeling emotions, and now you may be seeing things you don't like and so the thinking takes over and the emotions change based on the thinking.
This all comes back to seeing what is and reacting to that. It is about imagining that someone else can fulfill you, constantly delight you, never see faults. In other words, as long as the other is doing everything that you expect and want them to do, all is well, and when they don't, you feel lousy and wish they would change, be better, learn how to cook, weren't such a slob, paid a little more attention, and the list goes on.
On the surface, these things irritate us, and then we find a way to stuff it, ignore it, try to look at the good things and try to make the best of it all. The problem still is that we are wanting the other person to make us feel better. It's obvious it is them, not me, because anyone would feel that way after seeing this. . . if only she (he) would change. If only my boss would change. If only the economy would change. If only the world would change. If only I could feel good again. If only. . .
Then there are those who actually learn to "even be glad, just to be sad, thinking of you." There is a reward for sadness, self-pity, feeling down. I know this because at times in my life, I not only became skilled at it, but excelled at it. Looking back on those times (I can recall several in detail), I see the Law of Attraction bringing me bucket loads of sadness and feeling down and expecting and wishing the other would change. It's a zero sum game.
I have learned to pay attention to what I am feeling to help guide my life. I want to feel good. That is now my mantra. I want to feel good. I want to feel good.
If I feel bad about something, that is a warning bell that I am out of alignment with my inner knowing, the inner being, the God within, or whatever words you might care to use. As I realize I am out of alignment, and since my goal in life is to feel good, I now know what to do. I will find a better feeling thought, then another and another and another. I will tell a better feeling story about this. I will take the seriousness out of it. I will find the silliness in it. I will move up the emotional ladder from sadness to better feeling places until I reach my destination of feeling good. From that place then, and only that place, will I deal with any problem I thought I saw in my sadness.
I am in control, not another. Though I feel attraction and a desire to be with someone, I will not allow them to dictate how I will feel and what I will or will not do. I will remind myself of my desire to feel good, and from that good feeling place, we can move forward. In this place, I see no faults. I see that continuing in-loveness because I am paying attention to my own alignment.
Decide To Be In Charge Of How You Will Feel. It Is And Always Has Been In Your Control.
Spread Some Joy Today--by not making assumptions. Say what you want. I want joy. I want to feel good. When I am there, it is only from this place that I can now spread some joy and share my joy with others.
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